


Done

by mukeandziamgotmelike



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: #WeLoveYouCalum, :(, Depressed Calum, Depression, Eating Disorders, Luke Being A Dick, Michael Not Being a Dick, Multi, Protective Michael, Suicide Attempt, ashton is nice I think, based off the tweet calum did this morning, i'm just winging this, le sigh, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-04 01:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5315786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukeandziamgotmelike/pseuds/mukeandziamgotmelike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum was so done. He couldn't handle it anymore. All the fake smiles and laughs; he was just done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Done

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU DIDN'T READ THE TAGS: This contains a suicide attempt. (sort of based off the one in CyberBully) PLEASE DO NOT READ if this will trigger you. Please, be safe.

Calum was so done.

He couldn't handle it anymore, all the fake smiles and laughs; he was just done.

He knew that his band mates didn't notice; not when he stopped eating, not when he started going to bed way earlier. But in a way he was glad. He didn't want to worry them. They were all under so much pressure, Ashton with his breakup, Luke with all the hate that his girlfriend was getting, and Michael just trying to keep them from going completely emo.

He knew that they wouldn't notice if he left. But he was fine with that.

He knew he could leave, _forever,_ and none of them would give a damn. Besides, whenever he asks them for cuddles (which he stopped doing a while ago), Luke would go all Regina George on him and that's never something you want to experience. How many times had Calum told him that Rachel McAdams would make him into a stereotypical blonde? Too many.

The only one who showed a little concern was Michael. He had known Calum for much longer, he knew when something was off. He just didn't care enough to ask. Calum was fine with that, too, he hates lying to Michael. And he also knows that Michael would yell at him for questioning himself. He doesn't want to go through that.

It would be easier to let them live their dream, without him. The bass wasn't important, right? And Luke could probably learn to play it, anyway. Green Day did fine with a three piece band.

All that went through his head lately were insults. _Ugly, fat, stupid, not good enough, not good enough, you don't deserve it, you never deserved it..._

He couldn't get those voices out of his head. But he didn't care. They were all right.

 

^^^^^^^^^^ 

 

"You're just jealous that I actually still have a girlfriend!" Luke yells and Ashton scoffs. "At least my girlfriend wasn't a total bitch!" "Don't talk about her that way!" 

"Guys, stop." Michael says, rolling his eyes. " _You_ wouldn't get it." The taller boy snaps. "Luke, Mikey's right. Stop fighting." Calum mumbles then Luke gives him a stone cold glare and he looks at his hands. "Sorry." He whispers. Luke turns back to Ashton, continuing to yell at him. Eventually it gets too much and Calum stands up quickly, ignoring the wave of dizziness that hits him and walking to his room.

"Great! You scared Calum away!" He hears Ashton say and he lays down on his bed. "It's not my fault that he's a fucking baby and can't handle yelling!" Luke yells back. Calum feels tears build up in his eyes as he curls his legs up to his chest.

Luke's right. He's right, he's right. _He always is. You're such an idiot, you can't even handle yelling. You're 19 years old, what's wrong with you?_ He lets a sob escape his lips as the tears run down his cheeks. 

The door to his room opens and he frantically wipes the tears away. "Calum..." He hears and the bed dips. "He didn't mean it." His best friend's voice says and Calum lets out another sob, not being able to hold it back. "H-He's right." He mumbles through his tears. "No, he's not. He's just being a dick. Don't listen to anything he says." Michael protests and rubs the younger boy's back.

"Did you get thinner?" He asks and Calum tenses up. "N-No." He whispers.

"I'll go get you something to eat." Michael says, starting to stand up, but Calum grabs his hand. "'M not hungry." He disagrees quickly. "Are you sure? You seem-" "Fine. I'm fine." He assures and the red haired boy looks at him with concern.

"Cuddle?" Calum asks, giving Michael puppy eyes, knowing it's his weakness.

The older boy sighs and lays down next to Calum, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's waist. Calum falls asleep like that, his breath slowing down. The last thing he hears Michael say is, "No. Something's definitely wrong."

 

^^^^^^^^^^

 

"Cal?" Someone whispers and Calum opens his eyes slowly. "We need to go to the interview, I think it's better if you stay here." Michael says quietly and Calum shakes his head, sitting up, feeling faint but ignoring it. "No, I can go, I'm fine." He argues weakly. _This is how it starts. I give them a week, tops, before they kick you out. You don't deserve to be there._

"Babe, you're obviously not feeling well. I don't want it to get worse." Michael remarks gently. "N-No, I'm okay, I promise." Calum says, looking up at Michael with big brown eyes. "Please?" He asks and Michael sighs. "Believe me, I wish you would be there. But I'm not gonna risk your health." Calum nods a little, laying back down. You can't argue with Michael Clifford for long, no matter how good of a mood he's in.

"I'll miss you." The red haired boy whispers as he walks out of Calum's room, shutting the door quietly.

Once he hears the door close, Calum gets up, pacing back and forth. He feels dizzy, but disregards it. _You don't deserve food. You don't deserve it._ Runs through his head as he falls to the ground. He starts to get back up and sits down on his bed. 

Tears come to his eyes as he thinks about how awful he is. _They don't even want to be seen with you in public. You're disgusting. You don't deserve to be alive._

He pulls out his phone and unlocks it, seeing it's still on the Twitter app. He types out, ' _One day I'll leave and live a normal life.'_  before opening the messaging app to Michael's contact. He writes, ' _I'm sorry. I'm leaving and never coming back. I don't want to hold you guys back anymore, you deserve better than me. I'm so sorry.'_

He sends it and lets out a sob, starting to stand up. He goes to the bathroom and opens the cabinet door, finding Ashton's old antidepressants that he used to take when he was younger. _It's now or never. Just do it, they won't miss you._

 

^^^^^^^^^^

 

Michael sighs as he leans his head against the window of the car, trying to ignore Luke and Ashton's fighting. They left about five minutes ago, and he really misses Calum already. He knows something is wrong with the boy, but he just doesn't want to believe it.

He feels his phone buzz and sees a text from Calum. He opens it and reads over it before gasping. "T-Turn the car around!" He yells and the driver looks at him weirdly, along with his other two band mates. "Calum's in trouble, I think he's gonna kill himself." He says and Ashton's eyes widen before telling the driver to turn around. Michael pulls his legs into his chest. "I knew something was wrong, I knew we shouldn't have left him alone. I'm such an _idiot._ " He says as tears fill his eyes.

Ashton moves over to him and pulls him into a hug, muttering reassurances. The red haired boy looks up to Luke who's not moving, his hand over his mouth and his eyes teary.

They get back to the house quickly, Michael opening the car door before the vehicle has even come to a complete stop. He runs to the house and swings the door open, running to the upstairs bathroom where Calum's pouring pills into his hand. "Calum, stop!" Michael yells and knocks the pills out of his hand. "No! I wanna die! Mikey, stop it! Let me do it!" The younger boy yells back through his sobs.

"I wanna die, I wanna die." He whimpers as Michael pulls him into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly. "I wanna die..."

"Don't say that." The red haired boy says and Calum cries more into shoulder. He looks up to the doorway where Ashton and Luke are standing with tears running down their cheeks.

 

^^^^^^^^^^

 

"It's all my fault." Luke says and puts his head in his hands. "It's not just your fault. None of us noticed." Ashton soothes, and that's probably the most gentle thing he's said to the youngest boy in ages. "I was so mean to him, though. At least you guys defended him." The blonde whispers.

Michael stays silent. He's still trying to get it through his head. _Calum,_ his best friend, wanted to  _die._

"Calum Hood?" A nurse asks and the three boys stand up. "Is he okay?" Michael asks nervously. "He'll be okay. But he needs a lot of time to recover. Thank god he didn't swallow any of those pills. However, he has severe stomach shrinkage from the anorexia." She explains and starts walking down the hallway. "His family is on their way, correct?"

"Yeah, his mom is coming soon." Ashton responds.

They follow the nurse to Calum's room. "Calum, your friends are here to see you." She says gently and the boy nods, smiling a little. "Hey, Cally." Michael says quietly as he sits down on Calum's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like complete shit." The smaller boy responds and props himself up on his elbows. He sees the state his other two band mates are in and frowns. "Guys, don't cry. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. God, Cal, you tried to kill yourself! That's not okay!" Ashton says. "You guys wouldn't have cared." Calum mutters. "That's not true! We care about you, and we're not going to lose you." The eldest continues. 

"But you hate me." 

"No, we don't! Where in the hell did you get that idea?" Ashton asks incredulously and Calum flinches. "Stop yelling at him." Michael glares, then turns back to Calum and caresses down his cheek. "You're gonna be fine."

"You guys have been ignoring me for the past few months. I stopped eating, no one noticed. You stopped caring. But it was fine, it made everything easier." The dark haired boy says weakly, leaning away from Michael. 

"I'm so sorry." Luke whispers and Calum looks up at him. "I-I don't know what was wrong with me, I was such a _dick._ I never should've been mean to you, I love you so much." He continues and the smaller boy's eyes widen. "Y-You do?" "Of course. It's impossible not to, you're adorable." 

"I love you too." Calum whispers and looks down.

"The fans got #WeLoveYouCalum trending after you posted that tweet." Ashton says. "Really?" "Really. They really care about you, and so do we."

"You deserve to be happy, Cal. And promise us that if you ever feel like this again, you'll tell us." Michael says and Calum nods after a little bit. "I promise."

The red haired boy smiles and presses a chaste kiss to Calum's cheek before pulling him into a hug.

"We love you, Calum."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sick and emo :(


End file.
